Machine Surgery

I performed surgery today on a $50,000 piece of equipment. It took most of the morning, as I had never performed this particular procedure. It involved removing some coverings (or "skin"), removing an insulation box (or "muscle"), removing a 1 mL chemically inert copper tube (or "intestine", replacing it with a 3 mL chemically inert copper tube, replacing the insulation box, replacing the coverings and recalibrating everything (or "retraining"). So far, so good. Nothing blew up in my face. There were no pops, cracks, bangs or whistles. There were no suspicious smoky smells. I have high hopes for an increase in productivity (or "complete recovery with corrected problem").

As with so many surgeries, though, I found another problem. In recalibrating everything, I found that some of the methods stored in the machine's operating system were flawed ("damaged DNA"). I had to go in and manually check and fix all the different methods we currently use ("targeted retroviruses"). I'm still in the process of recalibrating with the corrected methods, but all seems to be going well.

Now, if only I could find that darn wrench that I lost somewhere.....