Thursday, September 22, 2005

Holy Confused Holidays, Batman!

Halloween is my Christmas.

And I don't mean that I like Halloween more than Christmas. I mean that I literally get the two confused when I'm talking about them to other people. I will switch the words around in the middle of a conversation. It's weird. I'm sure Freud would have had a field day with it.

I just love Halloween. The ability to become someone else is appealing to me, and I get into my characters every year. Note, I said characters, not costumes. I have backstory on every costume I've worn since I stopped wearing store-bought plastic ones. But I must say that the characters/costumes are secondary.

I just love scaring the bejeezus out of people!

It's getting kinda weird, actually. Our front yard has become an October attraction. I know this isn't unheard of, but I live in a small town in what amounts to suburbia. But every year, I manage to turn our street into a fog-laden creepfest. And none of my neighbors decorate anywhere near as much as I do. I was kind of hoping that I'd get some competition going, you know, like some people do at Christmas with the lights and such, but so far, no dice. It's depressing. But it does a heart good to see two fog machines going full blast all night long, causing a fog halo around street lamps for a quarter mile in every direction. This year, I'm adding a fog chiller, though, so we'll get the creepy low-lying fog effect, but may not actually fog up the neighborhood. We'll see.

What I would really like to do is rent some space somewhere and run a real haunted house. For some strange reason, my wife won't let me let strangers into our house every year so that I can scare them. What's up with that? Anyway, I could charge just enough admission to cover costs. I'd work for free, and shanghai my friends.....ummm.....I mean, uh, convince my loved ones to do it with me....yeah.

I'm not sure where this obsession with being scary comes from, though. I can remember my mom and dad taking great delight in surprising (read: scaring) each other when I was younger, but that was back when they still acted like they liked each other. Maybe that's where it comes from, though. I know I get more pleasure out of scaring my wife than I do scaring anyone else, even if I do stalk my co-workers at two in the morning like a hunter stalks his prey. That's on night shifts, of course, not me hiding in the bushes near their houses, or anything weird. I like to keep my weirdness confined to my own house, thanks.

Heck, I like being scary so much that I almost answered the door with a battle axe when some religious kook knocked yesterday. I had my line all planned out. "What is it? I'm getting ready to sacrific a virgin in here!" Alas, I chickened out, mostly from fear of having the law called on me.

Speaking of the law, we had a cop come watch our Halloween display last year from a neighbor's porch for hours. At the time, I thought he was looking for a reason to shut us down, maybe thinking we were violating some city ordinance or something. But he never did, so I'm beginning to think he was just watching the show. It'll be interesting to see if he comes back this year or not. And if we get a little visit before Halloween weekend, so the cops can chat with us.

Anywho, I'll definitely have pictures up from this year's display. We try to make it a little better every year. Eventually, I want to have an integrated, creepy, haunted house feel, instead of just having different little displays. That's why I bought a house with gray siding and black shutters in the first place, after all. It's the perfect color for a suburban haunted house, don't you think?

See you at the creepshow.


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"Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul..." -- Mark Twain


Fire does not wait for the sun to be hot,

Nor the wind for the moon, to be cool.

-- the Zenrin Kushu